3 Simple rules of life

1) if you do not go after what you want, you'll never have it

2) if you do not ask, the answer will always be no

3) if you do not step forward, you wil always be i the same place

word.s

"I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that were concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it is. I think that’s why she always struggled with God. And I think that’s why she also struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed. But sometimes it’s those things you can’t touch that you need to hold on to the most."

"The memory of you emerges from the night around me."

"I think that sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it because if we actually felt how much we loved them, it would kill us."

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
(neil gaimen.)

"don't try to hurt someone on purpose because they hurt you on accident."

"sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

why do bruises always look their worst while they heal?

--------

i had a slightly emotional attack today while i was at work. lately i've been doing a lot of work that doesn't require too much thinking, which makes my mind wander all over the place. today it brought me close to tears.
my heart and my head are working in unison to freak and stress me out.

i've been having nightmares again.
i've also just been having extra strange dreams.

one weird part of a dream i had last night, was that i had just moved to Amsterdam and i was walking through a town centre and it was pouring rain. i ducked into a coffee shop to stay dry and it was a kitty cafe, where everything is cat themed and there are actual cats running around that you can play with. i was having the best time playing with the cats and was taking pictures to send to a friend of mine who loves cats. then i saw my friend brendan who i've been missing like crazy, and i was super surprised to see him in Amsterdam, and it turned out he had moved there too. we ended up walking around in the rain, and we saw my sister, and she had an umbrella, but brendan was too tall to fit under it with us. we were all drenched anyway. we went into a sears and were looking to buy a big futon. brendan and i decided to be roommates, but we were so poor that we could only afford to share a bed, so we bought one and then we made a fort in in and just stayed in there talking, still soaking wet.

i recently watching the movie jack goes boating with philip seymour hoffman . he was in the movie...i didn't watch the movie WITH him, that would just be weird.
any who...
it was okay. it had it's moments. it's basically about p.s.h's character jack, who's really awkward, and his relationship with an equally awkward woman named connie who seems to get groped a lot by random men on trains and things....i liked it enough. there was one quote from the film, right at the very end, that i liked. it's simple, and hardly worth quoting, but i just felt something for it. so, here it is:

(the characters are talking about swimming and such)

Connie: I knew you'd be good.
Jack: I am for you.


told you, hardly worth quoting, but maybe you felt what i felt too. it was just a sweet couple moment that everyone has in a relationship, that make you smile and feel like you fit. feeling like you're good for someone, and that they are good for you, that you're meant to be together, whether it's for a short time or a long time, it's always nice.

side note: the film had a great soundtrack. a good soundtrack can make an okay film turn towards good or great.









side note number 2: i dunno why, but philip seymour hoffman kind of creeps me out.

i lost

on friday night a friend and i tried to double on my bike (with me sitting on the handle bars). i'm not even sure why we were attempting this seeing as the party we were going to was literally a five minute walk away, but logic wasn't with us at this point. somehow i ended up face planting into the pavement, using my knuckles and my hip to break my fall. later i got a bike petal to the thigh.
i am left with some pretty gnarly scrapes and bruises. carved chunks out of my knuckles, bruised/scraped my chin a tad, mega bruised my thigh and hip, and for the first half of my day i had pins and needles in my right hand.

(the pictures really don't do it justice)

found my stereo mood

doo wapp bop.


-----

practically all packed up. it's strange to be surrounded by such blank walls.

tomorrow i'm going to confirm the purchase of a love seat. it's old, vintage, in great shape, and orangey-red. oh, and $50. holla!

i spent tonight packing and fixing things. i just finished repairing the handles on a teapot that had bamboo wrapped around them that was all busted off. i re wrapped them in hemp, but now my fingers are RAW. worth it though, turned out pretty great.

the other night i made a collage i'm really pumped on. i'll take some pictures when i unpack it again. i'm going to try to find a frame for it or something, it's still looking a tad unfinished at the moment.

i have 4 and a half boxes of books...i need to buy at least one other bookshelf.

oh and:



well done sufjan.