february first

"If I fall along the way pick me up and dust me off. And if I get too tired to make it be my breath so I can walk. If I need some other love give me more than I can stand. And when my smile gets old and faded wait around I’ll smile again." -i read this on upon the mountain top, thought it was sweet, googled it and found out it's bent by matchbox twenty. still like it.



(pics from utmt)
i have a thing about looking at people's pictures. even if i have no clue who they are, i love it. i think people are too interesting not to look at.

frank warren of postsecret came to my uni this week and talked and such, it was really cool, i'm glad i went. people always say that they like postsecret because it brings people together and makes you feel less alone. i think it usually just makes me so sad, because so many people feel so sad. frank had said in his speech that everyone has a secret that could break your heart, and again i think that was supposed to make us feel less alone, but it just made me want to cry. i wish we weren't all so focused on negative things all the time. i think i gave all my secrets away. i told my last boyfriend absolutely all of them, it was scary to lose the last one. but that may not be true about not having secrets, i think i'm blatantly obvious with things sometimes but no one else gets it and so maybe when i think i'm telling people things i'm really not at all. it's kind of silly, and i've said it before, but i think i talk in code that's too hard to crack.

i had a dream that i went to Jamaica and my sister made friends with everyone at the resort and they kept ditching me. then later in a new dream i had moved to l.a and this guy stole my spray paint and sprayed me with it on my collar and all over my back, and then after i got mad and left him i ran into friends and i told them what happened and they told me that "i love you" was written across my collar and i got sad. then i was on a bus that i thought was a parade float and ended up back in winnipeg and obama as a teenager was with me and some other people i went to highschool with.

i went and looked at birds today at petland. i want a budgie. they're pretty cheap, but i think they'll live too long. (is that an awful thing to say?)

i did something that i needed to do yesterday, and it made me sad. i hope things happen the way it was discussed it would. i hope i didn't hurt too many feelings. i've discovered it takes a lot for me to give up on people. i think that will be what destroys me in the end. but i think it could be worth it, so i'm ok with that.