to live would be an awfully big adventure

i just remembered part of my dream from last night. bird kept flying into my window.

know what's strange...to a ten year old, i probably seem like a grown up. i bet they assume i have a boyfriend, my own apartment and a steady job. i bet they think i have everything figured out. i wonder when i'll feel old, when i'll stop feeling like i'm waiting for the important things to happen.
i bet i'll wake up one day, 50 yrs old, and wonder what happened to my youth.
this year, i'm going to really try. i'm opening myself up for opportunities and adventures. i'm going to increase the use of "yes" in my vocabulary.



right this moment i feel very positive. i have good feelings about things.

"Then, I turned around and walked to my room and closed my door and put my head under my pillow and let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be. "
— Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

"I had to fold like a grey moth and let go. "
— Margaret Atwood

"There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters...I could be their leader."
— Charlie Brown

i don't know how boys do it

i think i've always known this, but it just kind of got reinforced in my brain today...girl's intimidate me.

i can make friends, and chat with guys super easily. heck even some girls, girls who like me, get along great with guys, i can make friends with them easy as pie. but girls who surround themselves with girls...i just don't knowhow to act, what to say, anything. it's like i'm trying to ask them on a date or something. i just get super intimidated and poof, i'm nonexistent.
in a work environment, i can chat to anyone, girls girls, boys girls, boy boys, girls boys, everyone. it's mostly just in social settings that my disability kicks in. but my gosh. i don't see how boys do it. some girls are just so complicated. you don't know what they're thinking at all.
i think the most intimidating of girls are the ones who look like bitches. you know the ones. some people, if they aren't smiling, just look like they can see your soul and they hate it. obviously, a bunch of them, once you get to know them are fantastic and not bitchy at all.

i guess the reason this topic is on my mind, is because i've been meeting crap loads of people over the past few months, and it's funny, when i meet these new people's friends, i find myself hoping for boys, and when i have to meet the girl friends, that's when i get nervous/shy.
along with the many fella friends i made this summer, i have made a bunch of lady friends too, so that's lovely.

my gosh i'm rambling. i'm not sure why i'm even blogging this. i guess because i can and i'm procrastinating. wow. k seriously i'll stop. ok. k. uh, ya.

schooooool

3rd year of university here i come!

technicaly i started thursday, but on thursday i only really went to one class and such. this week is the first full week of school. i have two of my art history courses today/tonight and i'm really curious about the prof's because i've only ever had 2 different profs, but mostly one. i've heard great things about one of my new profs and bad things about the other. i guess i'l just have to wait and see. i think i know a few people in these courses so that should be nice. either way, wish me luck! i love learning and i love school. (give me about a month for this to wear off when the papers start being due. i'll have three 10+ page research papers due around christmas soooo ya i'll be stressin i'm sure, but for now, i love school.)

p.s: i dyed my hair. you can't see too much of a different in that picture caz it's up, but i got a bunch of dark in it, so i'm no longer a mega bleach blonde. i'm cool with it. also, i didn't cave, i didn't cut my bangs. i'm STILL saying i'm growing them out. i also didn't cut my hair. if i cut it next time i dye it, i wont have cut my hair in a year. coooool.)

ooooou oooou ouuu ou

this song is light and pretty. the light is you by said the whale.


last night i went to a show. i had a lot of fun. got pushed/pulled on stage, where dancing and tambourine shaking commenced as well as a bunch of other things. after the show we hung out with the first band (makeover videotape) in their room at the hostel and just chatted. turns out one of the guys who was with them (in the video he's the one in the black tank top) is a model and worked for ryan mcginley in the "i know where the summer goes" pictures (i looked through them again, and they weren't shitting us, the guy is there). he's also one of the naked folks on the cover of the newest sigur ros album. thought that was neat :) i had a good night!

happy ears

good song, cute video.


(i originaly took a screen cap of a bit from the best part, but changed it so you can be fully surprised and happy when you see it yourself)
bjork - triumph of the heart. such a wacky video, the last minute is amazing. also a lovely song. i'm not sure how to post it from this website, so you'll have to follow the link. :)

shutter island

reading this book right now. so far it's really great. since i heard of the movie first, as i read it i'm thinking about how they'll shoot it as a film, and i think it will turn out really good...although i have to admit, i'm kind of worried about how they'll portray the dream sequences, those are always tough to do well in films. the book's written by the same guy who wrote gone baby gone and mystic river, both apparently good films. (i've seen mystic river, but don't really remember it, but my folks loved it, and gone baby gone, i just never got around to, although i think a few folks at the movie store watched it and they liked it.)
i'm excited for the film. i think kelsey's going to come with me to see it which is great, because she gets really scared and jumpy in movies, which makes me scared and extra jumpy, thus enhancing the movie-watching experience!

update: just finished the book. it was super good. great even. 4.5/5