i saw a name for an art show the other day:

you are not alone, unique or dying.

not sure why, but i really liked it and it made me smile.
to me it says "shut the fuck up, you're fine. who cares."
it's kind of negative, i guess....but didn't see it that way at all.
i'm not saying that i, personally, needed to hear that, but i just thought it was funny, and i know some pretentious/dramatic/feel-sorry-for-me people who i'd like to say that to.

ear wear

i made a new earring today! i found a blue jay feather the other day and found myself with some spare time/creativity and BAM....earring.

only thing is, i would like to make something to go with it, but i only had one blue jay feather...i'll figure somethin out.





[side note: my hair's gotten really long out of no where!]
[more side notes: this wedding a friend of mine is getting married, and i have been dubbed the unofficial official photographer as well as the bridesmaids hairdresser. aye yi yi! pressure to perform!]

imaginary cities

so lovely

this weekend a friend of mine is getting married. i'm doing the bridesmaid's hair. i'm a little nervous about it, because i just want them all to look beautiful.
i think it'll be a pretty fun wedding. it's in a barn outside of the city, and dinner is potluck style, and we're all camping there over night.
i'm hoping to take some really lovely picturs while i'm there.


she has a really interesting and intense voice. i really like it

With what a deep devotedness of woe
I wept thy absence - o’er and o’er again
Thinking of thee, still thee, till thought grew pain,
And memory, like a drop that, night and day,
Falls cold and ceaseless, wore my heart away!
— Thomas Moore

pa pa pa peculiar

pleasantly pleased to be plagued by perplexing and peculiar dreams.

one section of my dream last night was extra strange. i think i was filming a show about Siamese twins. the Siamese twins were actually these weird creatures though. they were all under 5 feet and chubby, with tons of rolls. they looked like mystical woodland creatures or elves. they were connected by things that looked like antlers that came out of the palms of their hands and connected to their twins palms. the show chronicled a day in the life of these twins, and how they functioned without the use of their hands. i was hanging out with a set of twins, where one twin was normal but her twin was one of these creatures, except that her antlers were connected only to her own hands, but in a way that one arm was always twisted behind her. i remember she was struggling to bring her hands from behind her back over her head and it was pulling at her face and this goo was oozing out of her skin.
ick.

i wasn't scared or grossed out or anything in the dream though. it was only after, when i woke up, that i realised that my dream was really freaky.

also, i was woken up by a phone call, and you know when your dreams incorporate things going on in real life? like a phone rings in your dream, but it's actually ringing in real life? it made me wonder...how fast do dreams occur compared to normal time? my mind had time to make another character in my dream start talking on a phone, and then my phone started ringing, so i had to pick up my phone, which rang a few times in my dream, but in reality, i picked up after the first ring...

just a thought.

We slip into Tientai caves,
Home is a hole,
And a hole’s where nothing is.
We visit people unseen —
Chewing magic mushrooms,
Underneath tall pines.
We talk about the past and present,
And sigh at the world gone mad.

--shih pe

say it, say it now

i'll do my best to catch up with you

ouch, my heart.


i know exactly what i want, but, but what? not sure.

i feel very emotional lately.
i go from being completely overwhelmed with happiness and satisfaction, to completely and utterly missing people with my entire heart.
both feelings make me ache.
even when it's an ache of happiness and satisfaction, it's still an ache that hurts.

i'm in limbo.

i've been having really confusing dreams. i think, feel and know one thing, but my dreams are sending me in a completely different direction. is that how i truly feel? what is the correct way of interpreting them?
i've talked to friends about it, and their reasons are logical, and i agree with what they tell me, but i can't get the feelings out of my heart.

i feel so conflicted.
i'm lost, but i'm in a great place.
i'm happy, but i'm so sad.

i think it's just that different aspects of my life are peaking while others are plummeting. they even each other out, but leave me confused.
plummeting is not the right word at all. every thing's actually going pretty great, but i just feel that something major is missing, but im not sure what or how to find it.
actually, i do know what, but it's not easy to find.


what am i even talking about?
i'm rambling.
ugh.
whatever.

nameless