i've been having disturbing dreams for the past month and a half/two months.
i wouldn't call them nightmares, because i don't wake up scared, but they're just not good dreams. really dark and twisted things happen.
the other night i dreamed that i was dying slowly and no one believed me. i was leaning over a sink feeling really weak and i had a really bad nosebleed. everyone thought i was just being dramatic and kept telling me that it was just a nosebleed, but i would tell them that it can't be just a nosebleed, i'd never had a nosebleed in my entire life. i was hemorrhaging inside. no one believed me. after a while, someone pulled my shirt sleeve aside and noticed my entire body was blue and bruised, because i was bleeding internally, but now it was too late to do anything about it.
nice hey? hmm.
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side note: i hate winter. it gets way too cold and makes me a hermit. this winter i wont have access to a car like i'm used to, so i'm really going to have to push myself to man up and face the cold if i don't want to kill my social life for a couple months lol. ugh. when you know that it's scientifically possible for any exposed skin to get frost bite in two minutes, and you have a 10 minute walk, and probably another 10 minute wait, for your bus....it gets really hard to leave the house.
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
hennorama
my friend brought back henna powder with her from india, and we finally got around to using it. we didn't really have a good tool for application (we literally had a cardboard cone in a plastic bag that we had poked a hole in...), so the lines were really thick and everything was a lot messier than we had hoped, but in the end, it worked out pretty decent....except i forgot how long henna takes to fade away and i would like it to be gone sooner rather than later.
either way, this was the result:
either way, this was the result:
Sunday, August 21, 2011
EAT from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.
brought to you by the same guy who did move and learn.
is it wrong i like covers of this song better than the original?
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
orgasm
i have a lulu lemon bag sitting in my bathroom. on the outside of it are a bunch of messages that are suppose to be uplifting and life affirming type deals, such as "the pursuit of happiness leads to unhappiness." "do one thing a day that inspires you." "breathe deeply." etc. etc. well, i've never actually looked at this bag until today, and one of these life affirming messages caught my eye....
children are the orgasm of life.
ew, what? yes, they quite literally are i guess....but really? i don't think i like the idea of comparing children to orgasms, thanks.
children are the orgasm of life.
ew, what? yes, they quite literally are i guess....but really? i don't think i like the idea of comparing children to orgasms, thanks.
Friday, July 29, 2011
i saw a name for an art show the other day:
you are not alone, unique or dying.
not sure why, but i really liked it and it made me smile.
to me it says "shut the fuck up, you're fine. who cares."
it's kind of negative, i guess....but didn't see it that way at all.
i'm not saying that i, personally, needed to hear that, but i just thought it was funny, and i know some pretentious/dramatic/feel-sorry-for-me people who i'd like to say that to.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
ear wear
i made a new earring today! i found a blue jay feather the other day and found myself with some spare time/creativity and BAM....earring.
only thing is, i would like to make something to go with it, but i only had one blue jay feather...i'll figure somethin out.
[side note: my hair's gotten really long out of no where!]
[more side notes: this wedding a friend of mine is getting married, and i have been dubbed the unofficial official photographer as well as the bridesmaids hairdresser. aye yi yi! pressure to perform!]
only thing is, i would like to make something to go with it, but i only had one blue jay feather...i'll figure somethin out.
[side note: my hair's gotten really long out of no where!]
[more side notes: this wedding a friend of mine is getting married, and i have been dubbed the unofficial official photographer as well as the bridesmaids hairdresser. aye yi yi! pressure to perform!]
Saturday, July 23, 2011
pa pa pa peculiar
pleasantly pleased to be plagued by perplexing and peculiar dreams.
one section of my dream last night was extra strange. i think i was filming a show about Siamese twins. the Siamese twins were actually these weird creatures though. they were all under 5 feet and chubby, with tons of rolls. they looked like mystical woodland creatures or elves. they were connected by things that looked like antlers that came out of the palms of their hands and connected to their twins palms. the show chronicled a day in the life of these twins, and how they functioned without the use of their hands. i was hanging out with a set of twins, where one twin was normal but her twin was one of these creatures, except that her antlers were connected only to her own hands, but in a way that one arm was always twisted behind her. i remember she was struggling to bring her hands from behind her back over her head and it was pulling at her face and this goo was oozing out of her skin.
ick.
i wasn't scared or grossed out or anything in the dream though. it was only after, when i woke up, that i realised that my dream was really freaky.
also, i was woken up by a phone call, and you know when your dreams incorporate things going on in real life? like a phone rings in your dream, but it's actually ringing in real life? it made me wonder...how fast do dreams occur compared to normal time? my mind had time to make another character in my dream start talking on a phone, and then my phone started ringing, so i had to pick up my phone, which rang a few times in my dream, but in reality, i picked up after the first ring...
just a thought.
one section of my dream last night was extra strange. i think i was filming a show about Siamese twins. the Siamese twins were actually these weird creatures though. they were all under 5 feet and chubby, with tons of rolls. they looked like mystical woodland creatures or elves. they were connected by things that looked like antlers that came out of the palms of their hands and connected to their twins palms. the show chronicled a day in the life of these twins, and how they functioned without the use of their hands. i was hanging out with a set of twins, where one twin was normal but her twin was one of these creatures, except that her antlers were connected only to her own hands, but in a way that one arm was always twisted behind her. i remember she was struggling to bring her hands from behind her back over her head and it was pulling at her face and this goo was oozing out of her skin.
ick.
i wasn't scared or grossed out or anything in the dream though. it was only after, when i woke up, that i realised that my dream was really freaky.
also, i was woken up by a phone call, and you know when your dreams incorporate things going on in real life? like a phone rings in your dream, but it's actually ringing in real life? it made me wonder...how fast do dreams occur compared to normal time? my mind had time to make another character in my dream start talking on a phone, and then my phone started ringing, so i had to pick up my phone, which rang a few times in my dream, but in reality, i picked up after the first ring...
just a thought.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
ouch, my heart.
i know exactly what i want, but, but what? not sure.
i feel very emotional lately.
i go from being completely overwhelmed with happiness and satisfaction, to completely and utterly missing people with my entire heart.
both feelings make me ache.
even when it's an ache of happiness and satisfaction, it's still an ache that hurts.
i'm in limbo.
i've been having really confusing dreams. i think, feel and know one thing, but my dreams are sending me in a completely different direction. is that how i truly feel? what is the correct way of interpreting them?
i've talked to friends about it, and their reasons are logical, and i agree with what they tell me, but i can't get the feelings out of my heart.
i feel so conflicted.
i'm lost, but i'm in a great place.
i'm happy, but i'm so sad.
i think it's just that different aspects of my life are peaking while others are plummeting. they even each other out, but leave me confused.
plummeting is not the right word at all. every thing's actually going pretty great, but i just feel that something major is missing, but im not sure what or how to find it.
actually, i do know what, but it's not easy to find.
what am i even talking about?
i'm rambling.
ugh.
whatever.
i know exactly what i want, but, but what? not sure.
i feel very emotional lately.
i go from being completely overwhelmed with happiness and satisfaction, to completely and utterly missing people with my entire heart.
both feelings make me ache.
even when it's an ache of happiness and satisfaction, it's still an ache that hurts.
i'm in limbo.
i've been having really confusing dreams. i think, feel and know one thing, but my dreams are sending me in a completely different direction. is that how i truly feel? what is the correct way of interpreting them?
i've talked to friends about it, and their reasons are logical, and i agree with what they tell me, but i can't get the feelings out of my heart.
i feel so conflicted.
i'm lost, but i'm in a great place.
i'm happy, but i'm so sad.
i think it's just that different aspects of my life are peaking while others are plummeting. they even each other out, but leave me confused.
plummeting is not the right word at all. every thing's actually going pretty great, but i just feel that something major is missing, but im not sure what or how to find it.
actually, i do know what, but it's not easy to find.
what am i even talking about?
i'm rambling.
ugh.
whatever.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
word.s
"I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that were concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it is. I think that’s why she always struggled with God. And I think that’s why she also struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed. But sometimes it’s those things you can’t touch that you need to hold on to the most."
"The memory of you emerges from the night around me."
"I think that sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it because if we actually felt how much we loved them, it would kill us."
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
(neil gaimen.)
"don't try to hurt someone on purpose because they hurt you on accident."
"sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."
"The memory of you emerges from the night around me."
"I think that sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it because if we actually felt how much we loved them, it would kill us."
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
(neil gaimen.)
"don't try to hurt someone on purpose because they hurt you on accident."
"sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."
Sunday, June 26, 2011
i recently watching the movie jack goes boating with philip seymour hoffman . he was in the movie...i didn't watch the movie WITH him, that would just be weird.
any who...
it was okay. it had it's moments. it's basically about p.s.h's character jack, who's really awkward, and his relationship with an equally awkward woman named connie who seems to get groped a lot by random men on trains and things....i liked it enough. there was one quote from the film, right at the very end, that i liked. it's simple, and hardly worth quoting, but i just felt something for it. so, here it is:
(the characters are talking about swimming and such)
Connie: I knew you'd be good.
Jack: I am for you.
told you, hardly worth quoting, but maybe you felt what i felt too. it was just a sweet couple moment that everyone has in a relationship, that make you smile and feel like you fit. feeling like you're good for someone, and that they are good for you, that you're meant to be together, whether it's for a short time or a long time, it's always nice.
side note: the film had a great soundtrack. a good soundtrack can make an okay film turn towards good or great.
side note number 2: i dunno why, but philip seymour hoffman kind of creeps me out.
any who...
it was okay. it had it's moments. it's basically about p.s.h's character jack, who's really awkward, and his relationship with an equally awkward woman named connie who seems to get groped a lot by random men on trains and things....i liked it enough. there was one quote from the film, right at the very end, that i liked. it's simple, and hardly worth quoting, but i just felt something for it. so, here it is:
(the characters are talking about swimming and such)
Connie: I knew you'd be good.
Jack: I am for you.
told you, hardly worth quoting, but maybe you felt what i felt too. it was just a sweet couple moment that everyone has in a relationship, that make you smile and feel like you fit. feeling like you're good for someone, and that they are good for you, that you're meant to be together, whether it's for a short time or a long time, it's always nice.
side note: the film had a great soundtrack. a good soundtrack can make an okay film turn towards good or great.
side note number 2: i dunno why, but philip seymour hoffman kind of creeps me out.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
i lost
on friday night a friend and i tried to double on my bike (with me sitting on the handle bars). i'm not even sure why we were attempting this seeing as the party we were going to was literally a five minute walk away, but logic wasn't with us at this point. somehow i ended up face planting into the pavement, using my knuckles and my hip to break my fall. later i got a bike petal to the thigh.
i am left with some pretty gnarly scrapes and bruises. carved chunks out of my knuckles, bruised/scraped my chin a tad, mega bruised my thigh and hip, and for the first half of my day i had pins and needles in my right hand.
(the pictures really don't do it justice)
i am left with some pretty gnarly scrapes and bruises. carved chunks out of my knuckles, bruised/scraped my chin a tad, mega bruised my thigh and hip, and for the first half of my day i had pins and needles in my right hand.
(the pictures really don't do it justice)
Saturday, June 11, 2011
found my stereo mood
doo wapp bop.
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practically all packed up. it's strange to be surrounded by such blank walls.
tomorrow i'm going to confirm the purchase of a love seat. it's old, vintage, in great shape, and orangey-red. oh, and $50. holla!
i spent tonight packing and fixing things. i just finished repairing the handles on a teapot that had bamboo wrapped around them that was all busted off. i re wrapped them in hemp, but now my fingers are RAW. worth it though, turned out pretty great.
the other night i made a collage i'm really pumped on. i'll take some pictures when i unpack it again. i'm going to try to find a frame for it or something, it's still looking a tad unfinished at the moment.
i have 4 and a half boxes of books...i need to buy at least one other bookshelf.
oh and:
well done sufjan.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
whuddup
just bought these online.
see you by june 8th motha fuckaaaasss
(ps: this dress has been selling out nonstop and they keep restocking it while i'm not looking, and then it sells out again. i saw they had restocked it and it was "low in stock" and within the two minutes of me clicking on it to buy and actually buying it, it had gone out of stock again, but i had snagged myself one in the nick of time!)
Thursday, May 19, 2011
i don't have much, but i have a few
yosuke yamaguchi:
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veledzimovich:
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robbie rowlands:
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paul wackers
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matthias seifarth:
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mark whale:
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louis reith:
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judith supine:
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hernan paganini:
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hear black:
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gneborg:
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erik olson
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fabiano busdraghi:
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bryan schnelle:
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ashley perciva:
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allyson mellberg:
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alexi hobbs
oh, i had more than i thought. enjoy!
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veledzimovich:
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robbie rowlands:
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paul wackers
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matthias seifarth:
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mark whale:
--------
louis reith:
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judith supine:
--------
hernan paganini:
--------
hear black:
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gneborg:
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erik olson
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fabiano busdraghi:
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bryan schnelle:
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ashley perciva:
--------
allyson mellberg:
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alexi hobbs
oh, i had more than i thought. enjoy!
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