for one reason or another. here they are now:
3/21/11this blog is about 3 1/2 years old.
what the heck.
time flies. so much has gone down since post 1.
so many changes;
changes in relationships, friendships, experiences, interests, etc.
i feel more "me" than ever.
i go through phases of when i feel the need to blog or not.
for the past year though, i feel like i've used this more as an art blog than anything, which is nice. i don't need this to say anything to anyone anymore.
this is all very interesting to me.
sorry if this post makes no sense to whoever is reading it.
but i think that's the point..?
02/02/11i feel like i want to talk about some things, but i can't for the life of me bring any of these thoughts into words.
so let's pretend
1/25/11wracked:
Cause extreme physical or mental pain to; subject to extreme stress: "he was racked with guilt".
wracked. good word! i like w-r words.
facetious:
Treating serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humor.
also a fun word to say. not too fond of how it looks though. face. tious.
11/14/10when you smile,
my heart sighs
11/03/10"I need to feel strongly, to love and admire, just as desperately as I need to breathe."
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
(if you've never heard of or seen the diving bell and the butterfly, get on it. fantastic and amazing (true) story.)
the best kinds of kisses are upside down kisses. because you both get the bottom lip.
10/1/10i just woke up from a nap of sorts. i'm not sure if i actually fell asleep for any of the hour i was laying down. you know when you're not quite asleep, but your mind is off wandering and you start having semi-awake-asleep dreams/thoughts? well that's what was just happening to me.
i was having some sort of dream, because i remember kind of waking up and thinking i've been out for an hour then i looked at my watch and it had only been ten minutes.
i had my window open and a large flock of geese flew over the house and as they got closer they got louder and i thought "the geese are screaming." and had an image of a bunch of geese in the pond near my house, and all of them are looking up towards the sky screaming.
weird.
09/30/10after years and years of walking on eggshells constantly. i'm getting very exhausted.
12/13/09"Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart."
-life of pi
"When you develop an infatuation for someone you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. It doesn’t need to be a good reason. Taking photographs of the night sky, for example. Now, in the long run, that’s just the kind of dumb, irritating habit that would cause you to split up. But in the haze of infatuation, it’s just what you’ve been searching for all these years."
-the beach, alex garland
11/16/09it's strange how many divorces there are these days. if you think back to our grandparents age, people stayed together a lot more often. maybe it was because people were more dependant on one another. now everyone is able to support themselves, so they let smaller things push their relationships apart. also, people usually got married a lot younger back then. did a lot of them marry their first love? maybe that's the trick. it always takes people ages to get over their first love, so what if you never had to. even if you fell out of love down the line.
11/09/09why do i find light eyes and dark hair attractive?
i think it's because brunettes are dark and mischievous looking, and bright blue or green eyes are innocent looking. when you put them together you get an exciting/spontaneous person who's secretly super sweet.
08/12/09i had yet another nightmare. most of the nightmare i was having a really nice time with my friends and we were just hanging out having fun at a summer camp type situation. all of a sudden i couldn't breathe and i curled up in a ball on the ground and i told my friends that i'd been hiding the fact that i had tons of tumors in my back and i was dying. a friend of mine was rubbing my back to comfort me and then pointed out all the lumps from tumors on my back. then i died and woke up.
it was sad and weird. usually when someone dies in my dreams, it signifies a new beginning associated with my feelings toward that person or our relationship, so i guess i should expect some changes to occur within myself?
07/31/09i had another very odd dream.
i was at my friends apartment with another friend of mine (i'm not sure who) and we were trying to take the elevator, which was more like a small room and there were buttons to tons of floors, but they weren't in numerical order so it was hard to find the floor we needed (16), so i picked floor 14 and planned to walk the rest of the way up. the elevator had about 20 or so people in it and when we arrived at the 12th floor the doors opened and the entire floor was on fire, somehow we found out that all the floors below us were also on fire. the group of people, my friend and i decided it was best to take the stairs to the roof and figure things out from there. when we arrived at the roof, my friend and i discovered that the roof of the buildings next to the roof we were on, were close enough that we could jump from roof to roof and climb down to safety. everything was covered in snow and it was really dark out. my friend went first and i watched her easily make it on to the roof, but then her coat caught on fire. i screamed at her to warn her and she quickly got her jacket off. i turn around towards the group of people still with me on the roof and they told me this was all a plan to kill me and my friend in the fire. so i ran off to join my friend and we both ran and hid from the giant group of people, who apparently had magical powers or something. my friend and i managed to get away from the bad people but were freezing cold wandering in a desert of snow. we eventually saw a small town that looked like it'd be on the cover of a christmas card. somehow my friend and i found new snow suits and were making sure to only look at the snow because the evil people cold tell where they were by what we saw or something. we ended up finding a sled and curled up and went to sleep in a field covered in a blanket. we awoke to some woman saying that my friend was her son, and the people who she was with took us and put us in her red station wagon.
something happened and my friend was now an old boyfriend. i was really excited to see him and the dream wasn't a nightmare anymore for a bit. then while we were together this girl comes in and they kiss. it turns into a nightmare again and i ask who she is and he says she's his nurse. i ask when they met and he says months ago when he was going through treatment. i asked what he's talking about and the nurse said "the tumors!" i got really upset because i realised that he was dying.
and then i woke up.
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Back to the present. an that's that.
