i've had a few nightmares this week and i'm not sure why.
last night's was particularly upsetting.

i find both dreams and nightmares very interesting. sometimes they shed light on things i didn't realise (or want to admit that) i was worrying about.

i've been reflecting a lot on things lately. and not looking as positively at things as i normally try to. i think reality hit me a little bit. i'm not sure how i'm feeling about most things right now. other than confused.
i think i'm feeling a little lost, left behind, and lonely. but i'm not sure.

if anyone would like to try to help me sort out my head, i would be most gracious.

these are all from a neat photo shoot in vanity fair where some important shots from hitchcock's films were recreated with actors and actresses of today.


here's a nice song from yo la tango; shadows. (well the first 3 minutes is the song, then they continue playing other also nice tunes, but shadows was the one i wanted to post about)

anyway, that's it for now. justs some lovely things that caught my attention.

ew ew ew. i was brushing my teeth and i brushed a stitch out!
ewwwwwwwwwww.

me + anything medical and gross = not a good combination.
ick.

so i've discovered i can't really do the health food thing until i can eat fruits and veggies again. since i got my wisdom teeth out, all i can handle is mush. yogurt, porridge, smoothies (but now my blender is broken), soup, alphaghetti, and the best feeling: ice cream, have been the staples in my diet the last few days. i can eat normal food if i chew with only my front teeth (which i bet is a super appetizing view for whoever i'm eating with). doing this front chew thing though apparently grosses me out and makes me feel ridiculously nauseous. i feel like an old person gumming down their food without their dentures in. grooooss. plus my jaw gets super tired, i get bored of eating and my food ends up tasting awful. i can't wait to bite into a big apple or munch on some avocado salad mmmmmmmmm.

when my friend april got her wisdom teeth out, she said that a stitch went into her cheek and she couldn't open her mouth very wide, etc. i can't open my mouth very wide right now either, but i took a peek inside today, and i'm pretty sure i have a stitch in my cheek too. maybe it's supposed to be like that, but either way, i'm tired of not eating solid food and i'm tired of my jaw getting tired from talking. this bloooooooooows. plus i'm on penicillin so i can't drink at all right now (it's not like i'm a big drinker anyway, but tomorrow is my friend sam's bday and i was thinking of drinking there because i could just sleep over. turns out my plan is foiled. drat.) tomorrow i'm going to make him a birthday card. i love birthday cards. he hates nicknames, but i've given him several, so i'm some how gonna incorporate them all onto a card or something. samskatoon and samsquatch are my two favorites. should be a fun night.

p.s: after i published this, the ad next to the screen was for tooth infection cures, etc. i don't like how personal the internet is getting. it's kind of creepy. obviously keeping a blog doesn't help limit the personal stuff lol, but i'm just focusing on the intense advertising system right now. :P

found that song i was looking for. down below by johannes stankowski

Be just who you want to be, my friend
You just got to trust in fate.
Do the things you want to do ‘cause life don’t wait
Take it easy, keep your head up high
No need for sorrow and despair
Just keep on moving, it’s such a wondrous world out there

The years are flashing by and everything will change
But way down deep inside – we all just stay the same
And down below
Old memories come alive and then we know
Down below

It’s a long road we all got to walk
But there’s an awful lot to see
And the sun keeps rising up wherever you may be
Fly the ocean, dive into the blue
No need for sorrow and despair
Just keep moving, it’s such a wonderous world out there

The years are flashing by and everything will change
But way down deep inside – we all just stay the same
And down below
Old memories come alive and then we know
Down below

The years are flashing by and everything will change
But way down deep inside – we all just stay the same
And down below
Old memories come alive and then we know
Down below

junk food out

i've been eating kind of unhealthily lately. lost of late night snacking. lots of mid-day snacking because i'm stuck at home a lot. i'm gonna get in shape. it's been said before. but this time i think i can do it, because i don't have the money to waste on the junk i stuff my face with late at night. no more frappicinos, french fries, slurpees, chocolate bars, chips, etc. i can't even buy myself sushi. but that's just because i'm strapped for cash. mmm sushi.

starting....now.

tomorrow i get my wisdom teeth out and can't eat anything at all all day (which totally blows), but at least i wont be able to eat junk food! the first few days are the hardest! lol, i chose well, it's kind of a cheat, but i wont tell if you wont.

this is not a diet diet, this is a be healthy and stop wasting your money on crap food lifestyle change. i'm also trying to not waste money on other crap like clothing and such. money is now for school and hang outs only. wish me luck!

(also wish me luck on the teeth. (pls&thx) i'm kind of nervous)

happiness for the cornea

i miss doing crafts. i miss painting. when my sister moved out she took the paints.
when i move out i need a place with lots of book space. my book shelves right now are full and i'm overflowing. one of my shelves on the wall broke because i put too much weight on it. if you ever need/want to buy me a gift, magazine subscriptions and books are all i desire.

just a chit chat

i wont fight with people i'm scared of losing.
"Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours."



i can't afford to buy my dad a sweet gift, so i'm making him cupcakes that look like sushi. i went to 7/11 and bought a bunch of candies shaped like fish, frogs and sharks to put on top. i haven't found the white sprinkles shaped like rice yet, so i might use coconut flakes instead....i hope he gets it. lol it might just look like cupcakes with a bunch of random things tossed on. but whatever. who doesn't love cupcakes?! right? right. i have two more birthdays and my parents anniversary coming up still. just letting everyone know: expect homemade gifts from me for a while. personally i have more fun making gifts than hunting around for gifts anyway.

i figured out my school schedule for this year. should be interesting. i sign up for my courses on friday, hopefully i get into the ones i want, i don't think there will be a problem, but you never know. i also get my wisdom teeth out friday morning, so i'm going to be tired, hungry (which is a good combo for grouchy) and probably loopy on pain meds. my dad's helping me sign up for school, but i'm still semi-worried about it. i'd rather do things like this myself.

courses (i hope) i'm taking:
-history of visual communications (art history)
-modern to contemporary (art history)
-death and concepts of the future (religion)
-introduction to psychology (psychology...duh)
-later byzantine art and architecture (art history)
-field trip to minneapolis (art history)
-film theory (film)
-renaissance to baroque art and architecture (art history)
-roman art and archaeology (classical studies)
-the animated film

and if everything goes to plan, to get my double major degree, i will only need to take one science course, the 3rd yr art history field trip (to nyc or chicago) and an art history course focusing on ww2 and/or canadian art. i also found out that i didn't have to pay as much for school as i thought i did! bonus!

the end to my first degree is near! it's exciting to feel that i'm actually accomplishing something. i hope to get an internship or work in a gallery next summer. i would have this summer but i was to late in the game to apply by a week. lame.

i also really want to work at the library near my house, but hey aren't looking right now. i have to do a typing test and such before i can apply there any way. i did a trial yesterday online and i can time between 56-62 words a minute. which is good enough, because the library only asks for 40 wpm. hurra! i'll just have to keep my eyes and ears open.

i bought the book running with scissors the other day. excited to read it. i've seen the film and thought it was alright, but i'm assuming the book will be lovely. it'll be a while before i get to read it though because i'm still working on mr. norrel and jonathan strange (which i'm finally making progress on) and then i have to read sex drugs and coca puffs by chuck klosterman, and THEN i will read running with scissors. i'm always open to book suggestions, so if you have any novels you want to give a shout out to, shout away, i'm listening!

oh and here's a song for your ears:

(my cabal - school of seven bells)

best kind of dance party

and, have you heard...



liking this song and it's lrycis right now:

in for the kill by la roux

We can fight our desires
But when we start making fires
We get ever so hot
Whether we like it or not
They say we can love who we trust
But what is love without lust?
Two hearts with accurate devotions
And what are feelings without emotions?

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand
(x2)

I hang my hopes out on the line
Will they be ready for you in time
If you leave them out too long
They'll be withered by the sun
Full stops and exclamation marks
My words stumble before I start
How far can you send emotions?
Can this bridge cross the ocean?

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand
(x2)

Let's go to war
To make peace
Let's be cold
To create heat
I hope in darkness
We can see
And you're not blinded by the light from me

I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand

the folk of the fest

here are a few shots i took from folk fest. it was a lovely time.






^one of the best group cuddles i've ever had

i saw this video on a few blogs but never bothered to watch it until right now. the video is actually really creative, i liked it a lot. the song i didn't really care for.

i get really pumped about avocados. they may be my favorite.
i find it odd that when i know someone is about to try to use me, i get awful at holding a conversation. not saying that's a bad thing. i just find it funny that my brain knows not to bother.

here are some tunes that the blog funeral face told me to listen to:


laundry - say hi to your mom


ghost - bombay bicycle club


casimir pulaski day - sufjan stevens


nice day for ducks - lemon jelly


ooh la la - the faces

and this one just because i like it:

on my way - rusted root

we are two wild and crazy guys

(i'm pretty much destined to be in the mighty boosh, though i'm not sure how i feel about closely resembling the crack fox...)

the clock in my room is intentionally set 10 minutes fast so i'm never late in the morning. sometimes when my mind isn't fully awake and i go downstairs and see the time, for a split second my mind is convinced i've got back in time. if only time travel were as simple as changing the time on your clock.

last night i had a strange dream. i don't remember much anymore. i just remember being out with some people and having to sit at a table in some diner, and then i realised jullian barrat was at the table across from me. i got really excited because i knew jullian always travels with noel fielding. i start looking around for him when poof, i realise he's sitting across from me at MY table! exciting. he had diamond teeth. i think he wanted to go on a date with me. when i woke up this morning i wanted to wear my mighty boosh shirt all day, sadly i applied for jobs then had to work today, so the attire wouldn't have been appropriate. tomorrow, it is might boosh shirt day.

another dream i had recently:
i was in the library at night and i was with my dad. something happened and my dad got lost so i went to look for him. but first i needed to get cinnamon toast crunch that they sold at the library. since libraries don't carry a large variety of food it was very expensive. i ended up stealing it. i just walked out of the library with it. the library was also the airport. on the ground floor it was the airport or something. i ran into this girl i knew but don't really like and she was lost or looking for her dad or something as well. we held hands and walked outside of the library/airport and it was pitch black and cold outside. i don't remember much else, but in the end i think i found my dad. in real life today i bought cinnamon toast crunch, because of this dream.

my grammar/sentence structure blows in my blog posts. i promise i know how to write properly. it's just in blogs i really don't care. i save my proper write speak for school.

The PEN Story from PENStory on Vimeo.

love this. if anyone knows the song, it would be lovely if you told me :)

p.s:
my folk fest was great. it was really nice connecting with everyone.
it was also great to be away from tv/internet/work/phone. i'll be doing it more often.

(by sophie alda)

i was able to trade a shift with someone so..

OFF I GO TO FOLK FEST TOMORROW MORNING
(as long as management a-ok's the shift switcharoo)

picture toss

none of these are mine. but all of these are lovely.